Hi, Candle again. I had a discussion with my QMHP and their boss yesterday (7-26), I also moved units after dealing with trying to remain single-cell (I am still single-cell). This will serve as an update primarily about these topics. Expect an open letter soon, one more easily shared than the last post. I won’t be sharing names, but titles are essential to understanding circumstance. Please refrain from kavanaugh’ing these figures, I would likely be retaliated against.

So I recently sent a 6-page kyte, a clarinet piece in Eb titled ”dysphoria”, several other kytes about day-to-day dysphoria. These were received, read — the lengthy kyte outlined my rights, quotes from the WPATH, some questions about the process. The discussion didn’t directly respond to these articles per se, but some of my questions were answered regardless.

My QMHP and I touched briefly on the lapse in my hormones during January/February, how that effected my overall health; we agreed on the term ‘mishap’. I did relate to the group my lengthy history of trauma, not in any great detail due to time constraints, but clarified my recent almost-depressive lows were clearly motivated by dysphoria, body dysmorphia to get technical. My QMHP outlined some of how our facility does align with community standards of care, I don’t remember specifics, with the caveat that she does run a private practice independent of her work with the prison and there are differences, such as how often we can schedule appointments due to caseload. Really, I can’t dive into this terribly well, our facility differs from the WPATH in a few ways I will touch on, I am not fully aware of how things work at the facility, entirely, and can’t grab frame of reference like my comrades may from the free world.

Some details of coping with stress, anxiety were relayed. I gave an overview of how my dysphoria is too overbearing to form thought, described how I usually cope, with that in mind. I was given an explanation for the lack of response to most of my recent kytes, something to the effect of my poetic prose being challenging to respond to was cited (no joke), I was asked to send less kytes — not sure where to take this, most of why I send them is the fact that my suffering is perpetual, that this documents the suffering for a future suit; I will likely switch to once a week.

Either my QMHP or their boss affirmed I am not being ‘denied’ vaginoplasty (they read these), a relatively moot point given I am in great pain and anguish as the assessment progresses at snail’s pace (if at all, it is all closed-doors). The bureaucratic nonsense may be normal enough that denial is a stretch in that realm of thought, in the more general sense ‘denial’, if not repression, remains appropriate. To you, my comrades, I take it you understand, given even delay of assessment for GCS can constitute a violation of the 8th. I will likely, next week, give a detailed framework on how you can help advocate for me, beyond securing me legal counsel. I appreciate suggestions for direct action, to start us off a phone zap feels appropriate in a few months time: I would like for things to not come to it, given my ever-precarious predicament. Retaliation is always frightful, I dance the knife’s edge.

So here is the current understanding of vaginoplasty: our facility requires 3 ‘community letters’ (meaning doctors, health professionals) to prescribe the treatment/procedure. Before getting to that point, I need to affirm my hormone therapy has been in taken for over a year (I started March 23rd 2018). This is all ground to a slow, barely moving pace by nature of a committee, which partakes weekly, staffing ‘me’, my case, and was further delayed due to basically nothing happening the 2-ish months my QMHP had covid. I, in essence, have gone from nowhere to no place. After my letters, I will be scheduled, like a year out, for a consultation with the surgeon. Joyous?

My confusion lies in that the WPATH only requires a surgeon themself + my QMHP sign off for my procedure, the 1 year of HRT can be waived (should be no consequence given I have been on them 4 years, 1 year even in custody). I, further, have no way to independently verify the wait time, know the medical team is prone to denying treatment, in violation of the constitution, if you ‘have too little time left’. All-in-all, I am frustrated, more confused than I started, and feel helpless. Needing 3 community letters already diverts significantly from WPATH, given the speed here that could be a while.

-Comrade Candle