Greetings Friends – I am depressed as usual. I find myself reading Camus tonight to remind myself that absurdity is what makes me feel a stranger. Being surrounded by cisgender Women who lack a shared affinity of mine is my realization that I am lonely, want of affinity, love.
Another term came to an end. Another set of A’s. Next term is Intro to Entrepreneurship (yuck), SPN 102 (eh), and some 300 level ANTH class. Was a bit disappointed with my PHL class I just took – I’m ready to just be in grad school already.
Some projects I’m slugging through… an ontology of gender, a modern re-telling of “puchemu”, and more poems. I am 830 lines into “the Demos,” the last scene of this book. Hope to realize it soon. Nothing “big” writing wise, I guess.
My album is going – made a strong and knowledgeable connection, progress is coming. I have just submitted a “proposal” to get a recording device in here for lyrical work, that and to play my music in here for my girls – as usual, unsure what will come. As this update will take a few days to write, I’m gonna try to include a further update in
the ending.
Obviously “proposals” being the formal way to say beg – the OARs seemed enough in my favor that writing it seemed not a lesson in futility. Eh, fuck public policy but also fuck prisons. I am on the fence on what to expect.
My first poetry zine should be out by now, a collection of sapphic poetry. Writing was a means of coping with my heart(br)ache. Eh.
Another day closer to death, the great release.
All in all, unable to do as much as I’d like. Torn between heartache and depression. Still adjusting to having a cellmate, the bathroom situation is weird still – having to shit in front of/next to someone x_x.
Doing yoga still – however, dynamics within the social prison climate have turned it very much into a sedentary practice than the “yoga studio” phenomenon that most yt women here have created; yoga groups.
I feel suffocated, sorrowful, and frigid. Life is Will to Power, I have a constant need to stay vigilant. There’s little-to-no solidarity here, so by consequence you can trust no one.
Podcast episode 2 is only hold for my depression. I have not managed to re-read the literature i question yet. I am hoping to as soon as my fatigue relents.
-Sofia D.F.